I didn't realise how bad off I was after my gut ruptured until I went in a year and a half later for ostomy reversal surgery. The nurses, who were obviously familiar with my file, would casually say that such-and-such would be easier this time around because last time "you were so sick" or "you were really sick" or "you really weren't very well". When a nurse on a surgery unit, who no doubt sees a lot of different kinds of not well, tells you that you really weren't very well, then you can assume that you REALLY weren't very well.
I was lucky, I admit it, but I was also a little confused as to why no one told me how sick I'd been. Maybe they thought that the two days in intensive care and waking up still intubated might have given me a clue?
Well, it's not like I'd ever had that type of experience before, so I guess that maybe it didn't.
As a result, it took that second round of recovery from surgery for me to understand that I had been really sick and, in fact, could have died.
That, my friends, is a weird feeling to deal with.
So what happened when it hit?
Nothing, really. That's the weird part. It's like it was just another thing about my life to file away. On November 22, 2014, I nearly died.
Is that normal, do you think? I mean, it's not like I avoid thinking about it. It just doesn't seem to bother me, or make me want to live life to the fullest, or whatever it is that's supposed to happen to you when you could have died.
I do think about it. I sort of have to. Either that or avoid looking in the mirror, because I have a constant reminder right there. This, by the way, is why there wasn't the usual photo at the top of the post. It's down here, because I realise that not everyone's thrilled about scars and things like that. For those of you who don't mind or don't care, however, just keep scrolling for a look at how I'm healing.
I was lucky, I admit it, but I was also a little confused as to why no one told me how sick I'd been. Maybe they thought that the two days in intensive care and waking up still intubated might have given me a clue?
Well, it's not like I'd ever had that type of experience before, so I guess that maybe it didn't.
As a result, it took that second round of recovery from surgery for me to understand that I had been really sick and, in fact, could have died.
That, my friends, is a weird feeling to deal with.
So what happened when it hit?
Nothing, really. That's the weird part. It's like it was just another thing about my life to file away. On November 22, 2014, I nearly died.
Is that normal, do you think? I mean, it's not like I avoid thinking about it. It just doesn't seem to bother me, or make me want to live life to the fullest, or whatever it is that's supposed to happen to you when you could have died.
I do think about it. I sort of have to. Either that or avoid looking in the mirror, because I have a constant reminder right there. This, by the way, is why there wasn't the usual photo at the top of the post. It's down here, because I realise that not everyone's thrilled about scars and things like that. For those of you who don't mind or don't care, however, just keep scrolling for a look at how I'm healing.
Yep, that's the ostomy scar. For those who don't know what surgical scars look like, the dots are from the staples and will fade. The incision will tighten up a little and contract somewhat. It'll still be significant, though.
It doesn't bother me. I wouldn't be putting it on the internet if it did.
Why should it bother me anyway? It's part of my life. Part of my almost-death. It's an outward sign of an experience that will always be with me, and it needs to be accepted.
I'd be wasting a lot of time on stupidity if I didn't, really.
Aaanyway, there's how things stand. Me'n the scar need to end the post now, so type at you later.
It doesn't bother me. I wouldn't be putting it on the internet if it did.
Why should it bother me anyway? It's part of my life. Part of my almost-death. It's an outward sign of an experience that will always be with me, and it needs to be accepted.
I'd be wasting a lot of time on stupidity if I didn't, really.
Aaanyway, there's how things stand. Me'n the scar need to end the post now, so type at you later.
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