What's grey and wrinkly and affecting the blather?

No, not an iris. An iris is, in fact, neither grey NOR wrinkly.

So what is?

IT'S THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM, OF COURSE. Or at least the elephant in my personal room. The thing I've been avoiding blathering about, since it doesn't affect any of you and it's only going to sound like a whinge anyway, but also the thing that's keeping me from coming up with a decent bit of blatherage because it's on my mind.

Well, we're finally going to take care of that, boys and girls.

The elephant in the room is...

I've been bit.

Yep, I was attacked. Early this week, in fact.

Bugger snuck up on me and went for the shoulder.

Which bugger, you say? Not sure, really, since I was asleep at the time, but judging from the reaction since I'd say that spider is a pretty safe bet.

That's right, a spider bite has been keeping me from coming up with a blog topic. You'd be more understanding if you could see the damned thing, but I'm not going to attempt to take a picture of my own shoulder. Let's all just imagine large, red, angry-looking, and in juuust the right place to send an annoying twinge of pain when I try to do things like put on a coat or wear a bra.

There's not a bra to be seen on my body today, by the way. Screw it. It's the weekend, I'm not going anywhere, and it's a heckuva lot more comfortable at the moment not to be aggravating the ginormous welt.

Now, before anyone gets overly concerned that I've been walking around with a huge (are you getting the idea that this thing's fairly big yet?) swollen lump on my shoulder all week and haven't bothered to see a doctor about it, let me assure you of two things: first, my part of the province doesn't have any spiders with lethal bites. Second? If there's a weird way to overreact to something, my body will usually find it. Anyone needing proof of number two just has to remember why it's hard for me to go out in the cold.

The fact is that I've had an overreaction to a spider bite before. I was out in the forest doing a bug program (ironic, that. The program where we teach kids that, amongst other things, invertebrates aren't something to be scared of) in capris (which I never do. Long trousers for programs, always. Wasn't thinking that day, I guess) and I got bit on the leg. Same sort of thing as I'm whinging through now happened. First, flesh-coloured lump. Next day? Holy Whomever, what on EARTH is going on here????. I'll leave that one to your imagination, since it's sort of icky to describe. After that, well over a week of large, angry red welt that I began to think would be there forever.

Yeah, it's all sounding very familiar.

And for anyone who's still concerned that I haven't seen a doctor, don't worry. I'm not stupid. I've been keeping a pretty close eye on the thing, and if I notice it spreading or looking any more menacing than it already is I'll hie me to the hospital and face the talking-to I'd no doubt get for not being there sooner.

In the meantime? Well, I'll keep moving somewhat gingerly, I'll have trouble finding comfortable positions to sleep in, and -- maybe -- now that I've got this off my chest (if I could only get it off my shoulder, too...) I'll be able to find something to actually blather about.





Anyone taking odds on that last part?