Originally posted to Shrubbery, 21 Sept 2003
Cassiopeia was the queen of ancient Aethiopia. Her husband Cepheus, while having a somewhat heroic past, had become a bit of a weak-willed dimwit in his later life and let Cassiopeia get away with whatever she wanted. You know the type.
Cassiopeia was an extremely beautiful woman, but unfortunately she knew it and obsessed over it. She sought out all the best cosmetics and applications to ensure that she'd always be beautiful, and she continually boasted about just how beautiful she was. One day she proclaimed that she was the most beautiful woman in the city, and since she was the queen everyone was quick to agree with her. Soon this wasn't good enough, so she proclaimed herself the most beautiful woman in the kingdom. Again, since she was the queen everyone found it easiest just to agree.
This was fine for a while, but Cassiopeia's vanity needed something more. She had her messengers sent far and wide to tell everyone in the kingdom that she had been proclaimed more beautiful than the daughters of Nereus. Now, Nereus was a sea god and his daughters (the Nereids) were immortal sea nymphs. They didn't take too kindly to Cassiopeia's boasting and went to their father to demand something be done about this horrible, vain woman.
Nereus had also heard the boasting and told his daughters that he already had a punishment in mind. He sent Cetus the sea serpent (say that five times fast) to the coast of Aethiopia, and Cetus caused a panic. Anytime someone went to the shore, Cetus roared out of the water and ate him. If someone went out in a fishing boat, Cetus ate him boat and all. Soon everyone in the land was afraid to go near the water (insert Jaws music here). This was more of a problem than you might think, because the people depended largely on fishing to feed themselves. It didn't take long before people were going hungry, and no one could figure out why the sea gods had turned against them.
The people sent a delegation to Cepheus to see if he could appease the sea gods, but when he heard of the monster he became his usual indecisive self and mumbled that he'd have to go ask his wife. He went to Cassiopeia and started to tell her of the sea serpent but she interrupted him saying, "Don't come to me with your problems. Can't you see I'm getting my nails done? If you want to know why the gods are angry, go ask them yourself."
Well, with an apologetic "yes dear" the king went back to the people and said he didn't know what to do but maybe they should ask the gods. When someone asked him if he meant go talk to oracle who spoke for the gods, Cepheus sheepishly agreed. He hadn't thought of that.
The oracle was prepared to answer the king's question (she couldn't quite figure out why he hadn't come by sooner) and told him that the god Nereus was angry with Cassiopeia for her vanity. When Cepheus asked what he could do about it, the oracle replied that the only way to banish the monster was to take his daughter Andromeda, chain her to a rock by the shore, and let Cetus eat her. Once he'd eaten Andromeda he would return to his home in the depths.
Cepheus may not have been too bright but he didn't like the sound of sacrificing his own daughter. He went to ask Cassiopeia what she thought, but she replied, "Don't come to me with your problems -- Can't you see I'm getting a facial? I swear, you'll give me a wrinkle. Do whatever you're told. I don't care."
"Yes dear."
It was a solemn procession that led Andromeda to the sea shore. The poor girl didn't know why they were chaining her to a rock and she begged to be allowed to go back to the palace. Her father kissed her on the forehead without a word, then everyone left her to her fate. The water started churning and roiling at the approach of Cetus, and the girl's eyes opened wider as she saw the monster coming closer and closer. In terror Andromeda screamed for anyone to help her...
Ah, but before I go any further I need to back up a bit and introduce you to Perseus. He had been sent by his stepfather to kill a terrible monster called Medusa (yep, the woman with snakes on her head). Because she could turn anyone who looked at her to stone, he'd done some fancy work with a polished shield (courtesy of the goddess Athene) to get close enough to strike her head off. From the bloody stump sprung the magical winged horse Pegasus. Perseus put the severed head in his bag (hey, everyone needs a souvenir), climbed onto the horse's back, and started winging his way home.
As he travelled he heard the faint sounds of a woman screaming. Steering Pegasus closer, he saw Andromeda chained to the rock and Cetus coming ever closer. Being the stereotypical hero, without another thought he flew up and started stabbing the beast. Cetus turned away from his meal-to-be and went to take care of this new distraction.
Perseus stabbed and stabbed, but there was no effect on the magical serpent. Pegasus was beginning to tire from the violent fight and it was looking like they'd have to flee, when Perseus suddenly remembered his gory memento. He grabbed the bag with Medusa's head in it and without looking pulled it out and waved it toward the sea creature. Sure enough, Cetus glanced at it long enough to turn to stone. He promptly sank to bottom of the sea with an appropriately monstrous splash and groan.
Perseus cut Andromeda loose, and together they flew back to the palace with Andromeda filling him in on the way there. By the time they arrived Perseus was so angered by the way his new love (well, of course they fell in love immediately) had been treated by her parents that he asked Athene whether they shouldn't be punished for what they'd done.
Athene naturally agreed, and soon her father Zeus reached down from Olympus and grabbed vain Cassiopeia by her (carefully coiffed) hair. He yanked her right up to a new throne in the sky, where for half the night and half the year she gets to sit and look down at just how far she'd fall if she ever slipped off. The other half of the year? Well, she hangs on for dear life as her throne is tipped upside down in the sky. Dimwit Cepheus is there next to her, but as befits a weak ruler his stars are much, much dimmer.
And the rest? You can find them there in the sky, Andromeda riding on Pegasus and her husband Perseus nearby. Cetus is there too... and we remember him today in the name we give the whales (cetaceans).
No comments:
Post a Comment