Is that a green thumb...

...or are you just gangrenous?

Um, sorry for that mental image.  Should we try again?  Maybe is that a green thumb or have you come over all zombie?

Frankly, that doesn't seem much better.

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Before I start, I should warn you that the next few days may look like ALL APPLE BLOSSOMS ALL THE TIME!!!

I can't help it.  When the trees are in bloom you have to take advantage of it, right?  Even if you're doing it at stupid o'clock because you're up anyway and you may as well try out some shots in morning light...

Anyway.

I just thought you might like to know that I now have five amaryllises (amarylli?) in my apartment.  Five of them.  In my bachelor apartment.

That's too many amaryllises for a small apartment.

I didn't ever mean to have five amaryllises.  I've been given three over the years, and two of them split so I repotted them last week.  And now I have five.  Whomever help me if they decide to split again.

If any of my two fans are unsuccessful at amaryllising and are wondering how to keep three five amaryllises going for years (and not only going, but flowering.  Every year.  For years.  Yeeears), here's my secret:

Ignore them.

That's right; don't do anything that the special instructions tell you to do.

Let them flower, and then cram them onto the lowest shelf of your plant stand when they're done mostly so that they're out of the way.  Try to remember to water them now and then.  In the spring, throw them out on the balcony so that they're even more out of the way.  Oh, for that part it helps to have a full-south-facing balcony so that the sorry things can absolutely bake over the summer.  Drown them occasionally.  In about late August, notice that despite everything they're starting to send up flower stalks.  Bring them back inside, watch them flower, and then put them back onto the lowest shelf of your plant stand so that they're out of the way.  When they split, think about repotting them for a couple of years but keep forgetting to do anything about it.  When you finally do, notice that the bulbs have filled the pots to nearly bursting, wrestle them apart, and throw them in some new soil (whatever you have on hand).  Then jam them back onto the plant stand until it's warm enough to shove them outside.

Repeat.

Seriously.  That's how I take care of my amaryllises.

My other indoor plants get a slightly higher level of care, but only slightly.  I think they must like it, because they don't seem to have any trouble trying to take over the apartment.  It's not quite as bad as when I used to have a collection of ivys that seemed to spread everywhere (and the only reason that stopped was that a new addition I'd been given turned out to have spider mites.  Ah well, it gave me the excuse to get rid of the whole jungle), but I definitely have no trouble growing plants.  Part of it is certainly due to the aforementioned southern exposure (which the plants like even though it makes life hell for the human occupant for large parts of the year), but since several of my plants have moved with me more than once over the past couple of decades I have to assume that their continued existence has something to do with the way I treat them.  Maybe plants prefer benign neglect?  It wouldn't be the first time I'd heard that.

Or maybe it's just the family green thumb, if there is such a thing.

All I know is that I've had plants from the time I first moved out on my own.  Even when I was living in university rez I had a plant in my dorm room (it was a jade plant.  I taped a pair of paper sunglasses onto his pot so he'd look cooler...).  When I moved into my first apartment I was given a Christmas cactus (which I still have) and bought a lipstick plant (which I still have.  And I'm tired of linking now, so you'll have to look it up for yourself if you don't know what I mean).  And now?  Well, at the moment there's the cactus, the lipstick plant, a spider plant, an aloe that's getting way out of control, an African violet, FIVE amaryllises (did I mention?), an Aerogarden that's nearing the end of its cycle and needs to be restarted (suggestions on what I should do with it next, anyone?), and whatever decides to grow in my balcony pots.





Which... maybe I'll tell you about tomorrow.  This post kind of got away from me.  Ah well.  Maybe it makes up slightly for the lack of readable blather lately?  Or not.  Either way, it's pretty decent of my brain to let this many comprehensible (or at least semicomprehensible) words out when it's still not feeling all that great.  It's looking to be another blah day, boys and girls.  Here's hoping I manage to find the energy to at least draw some asparagus.

No, I'm not kidding.  And I'll explain when and if I actually  DO draw the asparagus.  Until then, I guess we're done for today.  Class dismissed.